Disowning Your Parents
A Personal Story
About five years ago, before COVID, I was driving to a restaurant with my wife and kids to meet some friends for lunch. Along the way, I got a call from my mom. She said, “I’ve prepared a lot of food and soup. I want to drop it off at your house. We also have snacks and dessert. Are you guys home?”
I kindly declined and told her we had cooked the night before and had leftovers filling the fridge.
But the real reason? They had been bringing us food and snacks almost every week. It made us unhealthy and lazy. If they stopped for just a short time, we’d be scrambling as our fridge would be empty, trying to figure out what to eat. My wife and I realized we needed to start being more self-sufficient.
I had already explained this to my mom weeks earlier.
But when I turned her down that day, she got emotional and upset. She said, “Okay, you guys live your life and we’ll live ours. You don’t need anything from us, so we don’t need to be in each other's lives!” Then she hung up.
This wasn’t the first incident she mentioned, “You guys live your life and we’ll live ours. We don’t need to be in each other’s lives.”
I know she wanted to help, and her intentions were good. But when someone says these hurtful ultimatums over and over, it starts to wear on you. Eventually, I decided: if you want out of my life so badly, your wish is my command. I didn’t call, pick up, or talk to her for over a year after that.
Why Some People Disown Their Parents
Maybe for you, it’s not about control.
Maybe it's about physical abuse, alcohol problems, drug addiction, emotional manipulation, approval of your relationship, or domestic violence. Maybe you just had enough.
Most of us want stability from our parents. They’re supposed to be our foundation. And if you don’t have that, things in your life can crumble fast—especially if you have your own family. That chaos doesn’t just affect you anymore. It affects your spouse, your kids, your mental health, your peace.
The Good
The good thing about disowning your parents is that you’ve become your foundation. You’re no longer under their control. The fear of sudden outbursts disappears. You won’t have outside influence directing you how to live your life, find a partner, raise your kids, work on your career, live healthy, and the list goes on. You finally feel like you’re in charge and responsible of your own life.
The Bad
The bad? Social stigma.
Family and friends might not understand. You might be close with your uncles, aunts, or cousins, and when they find out what happened, be ready for judgment.
They’ll say things like:
“My parents hit me, and we have a great relationship.”
“You're being dramatic. My parents fight all the time.”
“Everyone’s parents have issues. You should go back.”
To them, you might look like a rebellious outcast. But they didn’t live your story.
The Ugly
There will be moments when you’re struggling. Maybe you’ve gone through a breakup, lost your job, gone through some rough patches financially, or are dealing with health problems. In those times, you might wish your parents were there.
But they’re not.
And sometimes you try to reconnect or vice versa. Maybe you think they’ve changed. Maybe they think you’ve changed. But when you reconnect, the issue that started it all is still there, just buried. It’s like a landmine covered in dirt after leaving it out for a year. Eventually, someone steps on it, and it explodes again.
The only way to successfully rekindle is to accept who they are and let them be themselves, no matter how it affects you. Are you willing to accept them?
Final Thought:
Disowning your parents isn’t about hate. It’s about protecting your peace, your family, and your mental well-being. It’s not easy, but for some, it’s necessary.
Comment below: What made you, or why are you thinking of disowning your parents?
