The 3 Greatest changes in Your Life as a Parent Raising a Child with Special Needs
I want to share with you the three biggest changes I experienced when I found out my son had autism and Williams Syndrome. These reflections are focused on the early stage—when your child is still a baby or toddler. That season of life is already overwhelming, but parenting a special needs child adds a whole new layer.
1. Your Friends Will Try to Understand—But They Won’t Know How
One of the hardest things early on is realizing your friends will try to support you—but most won’t know how to relate. They’ll feel bad for you, they’ll want to help, but deep down, there’s a sense of helplessness. And honestly, it’s not entirely their fault. In the beginning, you don’t even know how to help yourself, so how could they?
The dynamic changes. The vibe is different—like being the only one at the bar who brought your baby. Sure, your friends want you around, but it feels like they'd probably have a better time without you there. It’s awkward, and it stings.
What can help is finding other parents in the same situation. Connect with people who understand the daily ups and downs. It doesn’t mean abandoning old friendships, but leaning on those who truly get it will make all the difference.
2. Your Parents May Become Even More Distant
If your relationship with your parents was already strained or distant, having a child with special needs can make it even tougher. Unless you have the resources to hire professional help, the only real fallback is often family—and for me, that meant relying on my parents.
I’m an only child, and when I had my daughter, my parents were already pretty hands-off. They didn’t want to babysit (unless emergency), but they at least made time to visit her on weekends. But once our son was born and we learned about his diagnosis, things went downhill fast.
I asked them to watch the kids for just an hour or two, and they basically said, “This is your life. You chose this. It’s your responsibility.” I don’t think they were trying to be cruel—I think they were scared and overwhelmed. But their rejection hurt. It felt like they didn’t want to invest in our familiy’s lives anymore.
Eventually, we became estranged. If you’re going through something similar, I encourage you to try and show some grace. Our parents’ generation didn’t grow up with the same awareness or understanding of special needs. They may be even more frightened than you are and not even try. That doesn’t make it okay—but it might help you make peace with the distance.
3. You May Start to Isolate Yourself
Going out in public becomes exhausting. The meltdowns, crying, tantrums, and stares from strangers—it all takes a toll. Eventually, staying home just feels easier.
When one of you needs to run errands, the other stays home with the kids. Instead of dining in, you get takeout or hit the drive-thru. If your child loves the playground, you might start thinking about building one in your own backyard just to avoid the judgment.
Even going to church gets complicated. If they don’t offer a program for special needs kids, you’ll probably opt to watch the service online from home.
This does get better as your child grows—but a lot of that depends on how you parent at home. If your child throws tantrums and always gets their way, it’ll be even harder in public. If you want any kind of normal life outside your house, one of you has to be the consistent, firm, loving disciplinarian. It’s hard, but it’s necessary.
Final Thoughts
These changes are real. They’re hard. And you’re not alone in feeling all of it. The baby and toddler years are full of exhaustion, confusion, and grief for the life you thought you’d have. But there’s also deep love, growth, and unexpected joy on the other side.
