How I Made My Long-Distance Relationship Work

Are you in a long-distance relationship and hoping to make it work? In this post, I’m going to share five key lessons that helped my long-distance relationship succeed—and eventually led to marriage.

I’ve been in several long-distance relationships, but the most obvious meaningful one was with my wife. She lived thousands of miles away, and yet we made it work. Our long-distance relationship lasted about a year and a half before I finally proposed. Along the way, I learned a lot—and I hope these insights can help you too.

1. “Long Distance” Depends on Your Age and Experience

When I was in college in Riverside, California, I liked someone I worked with at the school library. We got along great, but during summer break, I moved back home to Cerritos—about 45 minutes away and we decided not to even pursue dating. Back then, a 45-minute commute felt like a long-distance relationship. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to drive 45 minutes every time I want to date someone.”

Fast forward 10 years—I’ve now been in relationships with people living across the country (NY), across the border (Canada), and across the ocean (Taiwan). Today, if someone told me their long-distance partner lived 45 minutes away, I’d probably laugh and say, “I’ve made it work with someone who lived across the ocean!”

The point is, your perspective changes with experience. What seems impossible now might not feel like a big deal later on.

2. You both need to be on the same page

If one of you wants to settle down but the other wants to party every weekend, travel to another country for a career, never want to have kids — that's a problem. You can’t force someone to change, and trying to control the other person's lifestyle usually backfires.

When my wife and I were dating, we were both in our early 30s. We had already been through the party scene, had a stable job, and were ready to start a family. Because of our time zone differences, we set specific days and times to talk. Sometimes I had to turn down plans with friends because I made a commitment to talk to her. But that’s the key: Being on the same page makes it easier to create space for each other and sacrifice what’s not as important.

3. Build trust through open communication

Mutual trust and transparency are essential. A red flag is when conversations start with “How was your day?” or “What did you do?”—and you get a short answer such as “Good” or “Not much.” If you feel like you have to extract information just to find out what’s going on in the other person’s life, it’s hard to build trust or intimacy.

In a healthy long-distance relationship, asking “How was your day?” should open the door to real conversations, not just serve as a check-in. You should be excited to share with each other not on what you did, but how you feel, what you learned, and what you look forward to. It should not feel like you're being interrogated.

4. You don’t have to talk every day, but you do need to communicate

There’s a difference between not talking and not communicating.

People get busy—school, work, friends, family—it’s normal. You don’t need to be on the phone every single day. In fact, forcing conversations when you’re tired or drained can lead to frustration and even arguments.

In one of my earlier long-distance relationships, my girlfriend needed to talk on the phone every single night—even insisting we fall asleep on the phone together. It wore me out. I started sabotaging conversations just to get off the call and actually became apprehensive of phone calls.

But with my wife, things were different. Although we are oceans apart, we talked once or twice a week on the phone, but we stayed connected through messages, funny videos, screenshots, links to interesting articles, emojis, and voice messages. Sometimes we’d surprise each other with flowers, handmade cards, or photo albums. It wasn’t about the amount of time—it was about quality connection. Find what works for both of you.

5. Always schedule the next time you'll meet

Even if it’s far in the future—next month, 6 months, or even next year, it helps to have a date on the calendar. You may even plan a vacation together and meet there (we met in Hawaii). That gives both of you something to look forward to and creates certainty in the relationship.

When I first met my wife in Taiwan in January 2013, we really hit it off and spent a week together. After I returned to the States, we kept talking, and a month later, she made a commitment to visit me and booked a flight to California—six months in advance. We planned around a national holiday, which made taking time off easier.

Knowing we had a reunion planned made those six months more bearable. It gave us something to count down to and reassured us that our relationship had a future.

Final Thoughts

Long-distance relationships are tough—but they’re not impossible. If you're both committed, honest, and willing to put in the work, the distance can actually strengthen your bond. I’m living proof that it can lead to something beautiful.

Let me know in the comments if you're in a long-distance relationship or if you've been in one before. What worked for you—and what didn’t?