How to Deal with Jealous People

Jealousy is something we all deal with at some point. I’ve been on both sides of it: I’ve felt it, and I’ve had people feel it toward me. It’s not a fun experience either way, but I’ve learned some valuable lessons from it—especially from one friendship in my late 20s.

The Story: When Friendship Gets Complicated

I met this guy named David through a mutual friend. At first, we just played basketball on weekends, but we quickly became great friends—we started working out together, watching sports on Friday nights, and going to wild parties on the weekends. We’d often chill at each other’s places, play video games, laugh, and talk about life. It was a real, solid friendship forming.

But David had a longtime best friend named Carl. They had been through a lot together—college, roommates, partying, years of memories. Carl didn’t live as close to us, but we still crossed paths often because many of our closest friends are mutual.

As David and I got closer, I started picking up on some weird vibes from Carl. It felt like jealousy, and it became more and more obvious. You see Carl had a steady girlfriend, so he couldn’t attend our Friday nights or our weekend parties. He was out wine and dining at some overpriced posh restaurant. The jealousy signs were subtle at first, but they became clearer with time.

4 Signs Someone’s Jealous of You

1. Cold Shoulder Energy
   Carl went from friendly to distant. He would give me short, uninterested answers when I tried to talk to him. When someone gives you the cold shoulder for no clear reason, it’s often more about them than you.

2. Passive Aggression
   When I invited Carl to events, he’d decline right away. When he had something going on, I wouldn’t hear about it directly—I’d find out and be invited through mutual friends. That kind of passive exclusion can sting.

3. Backhanded Compliments or Dismissals
   During a dinner with all our friends, I’d share something positive—like a job promotion, or how my date went—and he’d either change the subject or throw in a backhanded comment like “Are you sure she had a good time?”. It was clear he didn’t want to acknowledge my success.

4. No Interest in Your Wins
   One time, I bought a new car—an Audi A5 coupe. I mean it was nice but it wasn’t a Lambo. We were at Carl’s house but I didn’t tell anyone beforehand that I had bought a new car. So when I mentioned it during the middle of our hangout, all the guys were excited to go outside to check it out. Except Carl. He just stayed inside. He’s a car guy too, so it felt awkward. I remember thinking, “Dang, when one my friend bought a Prius, I still went out and celebrated with him.”

So, How Do You Deal with Jealous People?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Stop Trying to Get Their Approval
   You can’t force someone to like you, especially if they’re battling their own insecurities. Their jealousy usually isn’t about you—it’s about how they feel about themselves. You’ve got to develop thick skin and realize it’s not personal.

2. Set Boundaries
   You don’t owe anyone your whole story. Don’t feel pressured to share every success or feel the need to include everyone in every outing. Protect your peace. If someone isn’t feeling you, it’s okay to keep your circle a little smaller.

3. Keep Growing & Stay Kind
   Focus on your own growth. Build deeper relationships with people who do support you. Be the bigger person—not out of pride, but because it’s a reflection of who you are, not who they are.

At the end of the day, some people will be jealous—and that’s their problem to work through. You just keep growing and keep looking ahead. Your real ones will always show up for you.