How to Approach Girls in Person
I used to be one of the biggest introverts on the planet. I didn’t have the guts to ask a girl out until I was almost 20. Never went to dances, skipped prom, and let the fear of rejection hold me back. If that sounds like you, don’t worry—you can change that. Here are four ways to help you overcome that fear and approach women with confidence.
1. Start with Women Outside Your Usual Environment
When you’re new to this, don’t start by approaching girls you’ll see all the time—like in your class, at a place you frequent, or at work. Why? Because if things don’t go well, you’ll have to see them again and again, which can make things awkward. Instead, practice with women outside your daily routine. That way, if you get rejected, no big deal—you won’t have to see them again.
2. It’s a Numbers Game
Rejection happens, and the best way to deal with it is by playing the numbers game. Set a goal—at least 3 to 5 approaches in one outing. If the first one doesn’t go well, move on to the next. This stops you from overthinking a single rejection and makes it more of a fun challenge. There was one night I had to approach 8 girls before I got a number. Treat it like a game, and don’t take it personally.
3. Start with a Compliment and a Simple Question
Before you approach, find something about her you can compliment—her shoes, hair, jewelry, or even a tattoo. Then, follow it up with a casual question. For example:
"Hey, I like your shoes, they’re so purple! (Her: oh thank you!) By the way, I’m trying to find a good coffee spot around here—do you know any?"
Once she answers, you can smoothly follow up with: "That sounds great! Would you want to grab a coffee there with me sometime?"
This approach works because 1. It makes her feel good about her style choice. 2. You asked an innocent question. and 3. Her answer gives you an easy Segway to ask her out.
4. Stop Waiting for the "Perfect 10"
Some guys hold themselves back because they’re waiting for some dream girl to appear before approaching. Here’s the truth: you’re never going to find the perfect 10. Check your ego and approach any girl that you have even the slightest attraction to.
The dream girl isn’t about just looks—she’s someone you’re attracted to and someone who helps you grow, accepts you for who you are, and doesn’t try to change you. That’s what actually makes a woman a 10.
5. Right mindset (Most important)
If you don’t have the right mindset, nothing else will work. You need to want this badly enough that the idea of staying single for years (possibly lifetime) feels way worse than the fear of rejection. If your fear of rejection is stronger than your fear of being alone, you’ll never take action.
For me, realizing that being alone for the rest of my life was more painful than a few rejections helped me break through my fear. And once I did, everything changed.
Final Thoughts
The more you practice, the easier it gets. First you have to start with the right mindset by asking yourself why this is important to you. Then, start outside your comfort zone, play the numbers game, open with a compliment and question. Do this, and approaching women will feel natural and before you know it.
Now go for it—you got this!
